It’s about starting over . com

It’s been one year since I first conceived of this site and several things have happened since then. The first and probably most important is that I completed my first year of school. To say it wasn’t easy would be a major understatement, but it has been a learning experience in more than the obvious way. I’m here to tell everyone, if you want to find out about yourself, take a thirty-year break and then go back to school. There’s nothing like it. I knew I suffered from major insecurities, but in music school, you have to deal with all the usual stuff like tests, writing papers, and dealing with teachers, and you also have to deal with performing. Everything comes out and you have a choice: deal with it or run away. In the past, I think I might have run away but it’s not an option this time. In spite of my insecurities, I managed to finish with almost straight A’s.

Going to a therapist - a liberating step

Of equal importance is the fact that I finally took the big step and sought a therapist. I always thought I could benefit from therapy (I hate that word. It was so popular in the 70’s), but there were always reasons why I couldn’t do it - too expensive, couldn’t find a good one, didn’t have the time and so on. I don’t remember what triggered the thought, but I realized that I could actually shop for one and so I did! I’ll be writing about that soon. I’ve only been going for a few months, but it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done. If you’ve suffered abuse of any kind there’s no way you came out of it unscarred. Most likely, you could benefit from therapy, but it’s essential to find a psychologist who is experienced in helping people like you, and with whom you feel at ease. If you can find the right person, it’s absolutely liberating. Like school, it’s not easy, but it can help to set you free.

Interrupted by more surgery

Unfortunately, I had another surgery during this year, or maybe I should say fortunately? Okay, unfortunately I needed surgery, fortunately, I was able to have the needed surgery and it was a wonderful success. It was rotator cuff repair that included removal of most of the bursa in my right shoulder and was extremely difficult and painful, but it did repair the problem and relieve all the pain. It’s supposed to take a full year to regain full range of motion and become pain free, but seven months after the fact, I’m already almost there. The surgery took place during the semester break which really threw a wrench into finals, but the up side to the whole story was the outstanding support that was offered by my fellow students (many of them in the same age group as my children) and the entire (almost) staff of the Rimon school. One teacher in particular put in hours helping me with the material until I felt ready to take the final. Most of the others were simply patient, allowing me to turn in term papers and take tests as soon as I could. During new student orientation a year ago, the principal told us that the school provides everything we need to succeed. If we don’t succeed, he said, we only need to look to ourselves to find out why. At the time I thought it was a copout, but now I see how very true it is. Rimon is a haven, a remarkable place filled with remarkable people. And just think, if I hadn’t had the surgery, I wouldn’t have had the gift of seeing this side of these people.

Alleviating some stress

But before all that, I took a major step and quit my job (that’s taking ‘going for broke’ a bit too literally!) I had fully intended to study full time and work part time, but early on, I found the stress to be way too much. I figured that if I worked myself into a heart attack, what was the use? I had decided to go back to school to enrich my life, to make myself happy, not miserable. I figure that, if I’m dead or hospitalized, I didn’t exactly accomplish that goal. Thus, I am applying myself fully to studying, developing myself as a musician, writer/composer and performer, and to the creation of this blog. Okay, so I’ll be a starving student. Huge step.

If I can do it, you can do it!

And, of course, there’s my personal commitment to the purpose of this blog’to encourage people to start over, regardless of what they have been through. For people who have suffered severe abuse, lost a spouse, experienced something extremely traumatic or are simply stuck in a rut, my attitude is that if I can do it, you can do it.

Second year of school

The coming school year holds several exciting challenges, and I’m really looking forward to it. I invested in a ‘real’ guitar too, a Martin OMC-15E. No small investment and no, I could not afford it, but I felt I had to have an instrument I could actually play. I had to sell off most of my other guitars to finance it, which was really difficult to do. That includes the first guitar I ever bought (using money I earned by babysitting when I was sixteen!), and the guitar I owned when I first met Ray. It was the one I always played when we performed and wasn’t a bad one at that, but it was too large for my body and playing it was more of a battle than a pleasure. Like finding a good psychologist, one should always shop for an appropriate guitar. A couple of Ray’s old instruments went too. It was really hard to let go of those icons, but for me, it’s all part of clearing out the old to make room for the new. My new guitar is smaller, and we fit each other well.

All in all, it’s been a good year, a year of growth and accomplishment and I’m very happy. I can’t wait to see what the coming year holds.

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