It’s about starting over . com

Oh Happy Day!

Just got the news–I’ve been accepted into the Gospel Jazz ensemble!

This is more than an announcement, it’s a lesson.

No fears, no tears.

What happens when you release your fears, regardless of the process by which you do it? You have fun. You do things you might not otherwise even try. You don’t care if you fail because the only goal is to have fun (at which you succeed, BIG TIME!!!!)

I released my fears while preparing for the audition–it was a longish process in which I decided to go for it just for the experience. I did have fun, and you can read all about it here. I knew that I would be extremely happy if I got in, but I was fully prepared to not get in as well. This was completely liberating and totally enabled me to release all my fears, let myself go, and have a lot of fun. I met some new students at the audition, saw friends from previous years and had a blast singing. I felt really good after the audition, and I also had a backup plan that made me feel very secure.

There’s always enough to go around

When I studied ballet, we were taught that there is always enough to go around. Notice I didn’t say that we learned it. Jealousy and competition were rampant, but the message was always the same: There’s enough for everyone. In ballet, it was a question of solos or being in the front in a full chorus line. In singing and, I think, in life, it seems to be the same thing. Once we realize and fully accept this fact, we can begin to take joy in the success of others. Once we feel this joy, I believe we align ourselves for success, support, and appreciation as well. There’s a saying in Hebrew: Gam zoo le tova. It translates as, “this too is for the best.” The meaning is that all is well, and if you didn’t get something that you wanted, it’s because something better or more appropriate is waiting just around the corner. The most important thing to remember is that when someone else gets something, it doesn’t mean they’ve taken it away from you.

Your turn–have some fun!

What is it that you really want to do, but fear, jealously or anger is holding you back? To overcome this and release your fears, try the following:

1. Decide that your only goal is to have fun.
2. Make a list of the things you want to do. Include everything, no matter how large or small.
3. Identify the easiest thing on the list and commit to doing it.
4. Explain to yourself that there is a very good chance that you’ll fail and realize that, if this is true, you have nothing to lose by trying.
5. Decide that you don’t care if you fail and feel the liberation that comes with this decision! At this point, if you’re asking yourself, “if I admit that I can fail, why try?” see the next two steps for the answer. If you’re saying to yourself, “Yeah, i do have something to lose–my dignity!” then you need to understand that this is an expression of fear which you need to release. How is this fear, you ask? You’re afraid you might embarrass yourself. Gotta let that go. If this is really a concern and it’s really holding you back, go somewhere where no one knows you. For example, if you’re trying out for a part in a play, do it in a neighboring city.
6. Get in touch with your inner child and let him/her run wild! Be that child and have the best time ever!
7. Go for it! Have fun with it! If you fail, it won’t matter because your goal is only to have fun. If you followed step 1, you’ve succeeded just by completing steps 6 and 7!

Give it a try! Seriously, you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Let people know how it went

Post your comments below to let us know what your challenge is and how your doing with it. You can also share what you’re doing with a friend, but be sure to share it with someone who will fully support you no matter what it is you’re doing. If you get a bad reaction from someone, just brush it off.

Remember, each time you tell your story, you’re helping someone.

Here’s wishing you luck and success–you deserve it!

Placement rating–raised!

I recently did a test at school to raise my placement rating (every applicant is evaluated in several areas and a number rating indicates the level). When I originally auditioned for the school, I was rated at 2-2-2. Not a high rating, but enough to get me in and get me started. But it’s not high enough to continue in the vocal department beyond the official first year, or to take part in many important classes. My performance in this test was good enough to raise my rating to 4-4-4-3, a substantial improvement. This enables me to take a lot of classes that I couldn’t otherwise take, and to take part in an ensemble. After reviewing the list of ensembles, I decided that there is only one I want to be in–it’s called Gospel Jazz. BUT, the rating requirement is 4-4-4-4. Hmmm, what to do? Push for it? Let it go and audition for a different ensemble? I decided to make an appointment with the head of our vocal department (Iris) and discuss it with her. After all, she had been very supportive during my test, and had even written some really nice comments on the results page.

Conversation with Iris

Iris was running late–she was busy with auditions and tests. I waited for over an hour to speak with her–that’s me. Once I decide I’m going to pursue something, there’s no leaving without doing what I came to do. I think I would have stayed there all night if necessary. Thank God it wasn’t !

When we finally met, I explained to her that I really want to be in Gospel Jazz, but that my rating is just a bit too low. She spontaneously and immediately reacted by saying, “So go audition for it! If Ofer (the director) feels you’re right and ready for it, he’ll take you.” Wow, I thought, that’s about as simple as it gets! I had anticipated begging, tears, an hour-long conversation–the whole thing was over in less than five minutes. When I said, “wow, that was fast!” and she said, “yeah, but you had to wait over an hour to do it.” I said, “actually, I’ve waited more like twenty years.” that’s how long it’s been since I said, “If I could have the chance to go to a school like that….” We both laughed.

Preparation for the audition

I got the material (four songs, two to learn by ear and two from scores) and, due to my move, didn’t start working on it until about a week before the audition. It didn’t take long for me to realize that the material is very advanced, and yes, way over my head. Gospel yes, jazz, yes. Complicated rhythms that I’ve never seen or tried. I resolutely dissected the rhythms as if I were in my second-year rhythm class and, slowly, it began to sink in. Eventually, I put the words and tune to the rhythm, and then realized that it really was a long shot. Then there was a funny synchronicity: I logged on to my own blog and there was the post about Liza Minnelli! I re-read it and my own blog post gave me inspiration :-).

The music, is it really me?

I really like this music! The words don’t always resonate with me, for example, in Breathe Into Me Oh Lord (Psalms 119:25), the words,

Condemnation tries to hold me, like a prisoner in chains. And the weight of my burdens is calling out my name. That’s when I lift up my voice to worship you…”

are very NOT me. I’m not a foxhole believer, that is, my spirituality isn’t something that I feel deeply when times are hard. I feel it all the time and am grateful and full of love and spirituality all the time. My prayers are constant, as is my spirituality (no, I wasn’t always like this). But I do like the music, and I can feel the underlying intentions.

The decision

So, sitting among the boxes that still take up most of the floor-space in my apartment, I considered my options:

1. Quit. don’t audition this year. I can sign up to audition for it next year when I surely will be much better. The only advantage I could see here is that it would free up some time and take some of the pressure off. 
2. Go through with it even though I might fail. The advantages start with the fact that I might actually get in! If I don’t, then:
   • I could get a feel for this particular ensemble and this particular director. There’s a certain relief in making an unknown a familiar. It would make auditioning easier next year.
   • I’ll have a better idea of what I need to focus on and develop this year if I really want to get into the ensemble next year.

Liberation!

I decided to go ahead and audition, and to just have fun with it all. Sometimes the knowledge that you don’t really have anything to lose can be very liberating! I released all the pressure of needing to succeed and began to sing from the heart. I recorded myself a few times and was able to find the parts that really needed work–some I was able to fix, some is still a challenge. The day before the audition, I didn’t practice or review the material. I just relaxed and didn’t worry about it–after all, I really had nothing to lose. If I got in, great! If not… I reminded myself that what is meant to be will be, and that there is another very good ensemble that I can take part in this year instead of Gospel Jazz.

Okay, decision made. I put my all into learning the four songs we were told to learn for the audition, two from the scores and two by ear from a recording. I almost can’t believe how much I learned by doing this! I learned to deal with new rhythms, runs and other things I had never tried before. I ID’ed several of my musical shortcomings and now have a list of things I want to work on. The whole process was a real challenge and I enjoyed it! By audition date, I was as ready as I could be, and very relaxed.

Not nervous

Why was I so at ease? You’d think I’d be nervous, right? I tried to understand why I wasn’t tense, worried or nervous–it couldn’t be because I had learned the parts so well that I knew I was a shoe-in because I was still tripping over a lot of them. Maybe the thought that I most likely wasn’t going to be accepted brought on the calm–that’s the most logical conclusion. I reminded myself that I had decided to just go in and have fun, be myself and sing my heart out. After all, I do love the music, and I do love singing…

Audition day

The place was filled with the nicest people, some really good singers and some really great. Everyone seemed willing to talk, and it was really cool being in a room with so many people who are exactly like me….well, except for age. That didn’t seem to mater though (as usual). After a brief explanation by the director, we were asked to wait in the alcove by the door. When the first group of four (soprano, alto, tenor and bass) went in, we all congealed around the closed door, listening intently and softly singing along–beautiful harmony filled the alcove. The young woman standing next to me had the most amazing voice, bronze skin, golden-flax hair.

I went in with the second group but due to a shortage in guys, we were already limited to one soprano and one alto (me). We sang, and both of us screwed it up here and there, but I did have a lot of fun! Ofer dismissed us rather quickly which I think could mean one of two things:

1. We were so good that he ID’ed us immediately as being appropriate and he didn’t need to hear anything more, or
2. We were so awful that….

Hold on a minute–let me take my tongue out of my cheek.
I’m guessing that I won’t make it in to this ensemble this year, but I do intend to audition for it again next year. Results are yet to come in, but I’m not expecting any surprises. Yet, for some reason, I can’t stop singing the songs or listening to the CD!

So, if not this, then what? There’s an ensemble called “The Eastern Orchestra.” We have a meeting in early October. I’ll be sure to post about it!

As I mentioned in a previous post, I recently moved. It was just about a month ago and one of the most difficult things about this move was leaving two of my three cats behind.  They are good friends and the renters wanted to adopt them so, after a lot of careful consideration and much consulting of several cat-loving friends, I decided to take the chance. After all, I could always come and collect them if it didn’t work out, right?

The third cat, Sweetie (AKA The Big Guy–he weighs in at 7.5 kilos) came with. He’s very attached to me so I couldn’t consider leaving him behind. Last year, I was away for the month of September and he went on a walk-about until he was sure I was home. Yes, I was concerned–he’s lived all his life in the country, so to speak, and my new home is in a city-like suburb. Small apartment, no free-roaming safe space, big dog in the yard…it wasn’t an easy decision but I didn’t want him to go on another walk-about so I took the chance.

  I’m happy to say that he’s doing amazingly! He’s become an absolute angel–all of his bad habits have completely disappeared! He is absolutely the best cat ever, and he is adapting to city life beautifully. Maybe he just needed to be the only cat? I don’t know, but he’s an amazing companion and I’m so happy! He’s even made friends with the neighbor’s cats and goes next door to play with them whenever he can.

Oh, and the other two are doing very, very well too. They greet me when I come to visit as if I never went away. They love their new owners and vice versa. Both are bright-eyed and bushy tailed and seem very happy.

Yesh! That’s Hebrew for…Yesh!!!