It’s about starting over . com

I WAS RECOGNIZED! BY SOMEONE I NEVER MET! TWICE!

I was in a music store today buying a cable for my guitar and some other small things. At the cashier’s, a woman noticed my Jacob’s Ladder t-shirt and asked me if I performed there. When I said yes, she said, “with Et al?” She then went on to tell me that she’s familiar with all the other members as well. She was very sweet and I felt very proud.

Do people speak to you in stores and tell you they recognize you if you suck?

Then, I went on to the grocery store to buy something for lunch. The same thing happened in the parking lot (with a different woman though ) only this time, she didn’t say anything about the t-shirt.

Well, I guess it pays to wear your Jacob’s Ladder t-shirts in public! AND, I guess it pays to perform at Jacob’s Ladder!

I want to drink the finest Champaign
(pink and delicate with a bubble-strand threading up the center)
from an old jam jar or a great big, completely inappropriate glass.

I want to suck in great swills of the stuff as if it were nothing more than water,
nothing less than life
and as trivial as air itself.

And I want to surf great waves of ecstasy without a board,
my body surging forward atop a great, foaming crest of joy,
hands of magical star-stuff kneading my belly all the way.

And when it’s over,
my knees weak and toes trying to grip wet sand,
my body experiencing gravity as a strange thing,
the words surge from my mouth,
uncontrollably,
like when you were born–

AGAIN! MORE!

Arms flailing, I turn and run from the beach to brave the tidals once again.

Due to popular demand, I’m adding a new category–Performances. This will give people the opportunity to keep up with my (hopefully increasing) performance schedule even if they’re far away and can’t attend.

Why is this important for my starting-over community? Performing is a huge step for me. It requires a huge leap of faith, and it also forces me to deal with a lot of issues, some physical and many emotional. I remember the first time I performed, that is, this time around. It was at the Tzora Folk Club, and my hands were shaking so frantically that I didn’t even need to strum my guitar–I just placed my fingers over the strings and the frantic shaking took care of the rest. Percussion was provided by my knees.

I performed a song titled, A New Life, and I literally felt I was performing naked in front of about 100 strangers. I don’t know if it would have been easier to perform a song I didn’t write, but I had been asked to perform this one and, truly, I wanted to.

Yes, I do want to perform, almost more than anything. And I’m determined to overcome any anxiety I might have about it. I’ll post here about my performances because I want my readers to understand that doing almost anything new is frightening, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. If it’s something you want, something that will bring you happiness and fulfillment, you should go for it. The anxiety will fade with experience, and the people who love you will support you in every way because they want you to be happy and healthy. After all, what is life about anyway?

 So please stay tuned, and check out my performance category from time to time. I’ll give you stage-fright updates too–the most recent is that I’m really starting to enjoy it a LOT more, my hands are shaking a LOT less, and it really is one of the big loves of my life.