Oct 30 2009
On life and living
I recently heard that a member of our local folk community is seriously ill to the point where she needs personal care in hospital. Though I don’t know her well, she is someone who has always impressed me as being one of the kindest souls, a deeply beautiful person. Certainly not someone who deserves to suffer. Before I continue, let me say that I pray for her full and speedy recovery–she deserves that and so much more.
No, I’m not one of those people who believes that no one deserves to suffer. The news of her illness touched me deeply and painfully. It got me thinking about justice, about the concept of a righteous G-d, the idea of heaven and hell and that question that some of us so frequently lament: Why do bad things happen to good people?
Empathy and understanding
I wrote to a close friend of this woman, expressing empathy for the sorrow and pain I know they must both be feeling right now. She wrote back saying that I, “…of all people, can understand these deeply painful, long-term sicknesses that “life” puts on our plate to help us in our spiritual and moral growth…………..”
The truth is that I don’t understand. I don’t understand and it makes me angry when kind, wonderful people like this woman end up ill and suffering. It isn’t fair, not on any level. So, is there fairness in this world and this life? Did someone or some entity promise us at some point that, as long as we are good, we’ll be treated fairly?
Epiphany
This calls to mind a conversation I had with someone at Jacob’s Ladder about two years ago. A stranger to me, she introduced herself saying that she had heard about me and wanted to express her admiration for what I’m doing. She asked some questions, and we got into a conversation in which I explained to her that it’s a fact that from one moment to the next, our lives can change drastically. She looked at me as if I were insane, so I backed up my statement with a list of examples that could have gone on forever–one moment you’re standing on a corner, the next, you’re hit by a car and life as you know it ends. You, your spouse or your child is at the doctor’s for a routine exam and in the time it takes the doctor to say one short sentence, your life is forever changed and maybe even close to over. I could go on forever with this and get as morbid as you like, but I’m sure you can add a few scenarios of your own. In my experience, when things like this happen, suddenly, everything that was important to you–money, possessions, jealousies, beauty, youth, competition, petty things you argued over–all become completely meaningless. The woman frowned and said that she thought my attitude was very depressing. I told her that in my opinion it’s not depressing, but completely liberating. She was puzzled so I explained that the moment you accept the fact that you ARE, indeed, going to die (and you are), and that the only real unknowns are how and when, you can really begin to live. (She looked like she had an epiphany! You should have seen her face light up!) 
Does justice exist?
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about justice and fairness. It seems to me that these are human concepts, ones that don’t exist in nature. They are concepts that have been created by humans to help keep order in society. I think that the fact that there are so many variations in laws from one culture to another shows that they are open to the application of cultural norms and interpretation, usually by an appointed judicial body or religious authority. In smaller societal structures such as the family, interpretation is up to and enforced by the parent(s). Again, examples abound.
So is it fair and just that someone who is a righteous, gentle and kind person should become ill and suffer? Is it reasonable and tolerable that people who have caused no harm to anyone should be harmed by “fate” itself? Is it not absurd and unacceptable that the moon rises and the world goes on when someone we love has been ripped from our embrace? Is life, or is death fair? No to all of it. Is life worth living, worth enjoying?
In conclusion
We all lose people we love, and the people we love, if we don’t outlive them, will lose us. It’s just the way it is. It’s devastating when it happens and we mourn our loss for the rest of our lives, although not as strongly as during the first months and the first year. It gets easier with the passing of time, and the people we love live on in our memories, in our photo albums, in our prose, poetry and songs and sometimes, in our CD collections. We can honor them by living good, rich lives and enjoying our lives to the fullest. There is nothing greater than knowing that you bring love, joy and happiness into the lives of others and by doing so, you’ll probably bring the same into your own life. So, IS life worth living and enjoying?
Oh, I do believe so. Absolutely! 
Hi Joanna,
i enjoyed reading your blog. i understand now that when i spoke to you after your performance in Jacob’s Ladder that i had a strong feeling that your music was coming from a place “much higher” and more ‘connected” than the usual, so to speak. i felt that your music is now connected to a place of reaching out and touching the hearts of others. i think i may have said to you something at the time, i don’t remember what, but i remember feeling touched.
i have a very strong spiritual belief that we are given in (each) life “tasks” or “situations” that are put there for the posibility of our personal spiritual growth. it is our choice what we do with these “tasks”. We don’t chose them, they are “given” to us and the extent to which we accept them and work with them in the “right” way, is the extent that we allow them to be lessons for our growth. At each moment we must chose again. It is not for us to “understand it all”. we don’t have the bigger picture, but i believe that there is one.
I have also made a huge transition in the last year or so . i have made a decicion also to dedicate my music to healing, to opening hearts, to praying in a universal sense. I have seen the emense power that music can bring. I now enjoy singing WITH people more than singing FOR people, and i do this regularly. i also sing for people who are in transition (dying) and i pray that my music helps allow them (and their families) to release and not be so fearful of the unknown space ahead in thier journeys. I have been blessed now with the gift of writing music. i am now putting out a CD of my original music on words from Psalms. the first one I wrote at my mother’s death.
My mother was a Holocaust survivor. It was through her life and through her death that i came to many of my understandings. She always said that there is nothing in life that is bad, that doesn’t eventually turn to good. My mother suffered terribly, she was in Aushwitz and lost almost all of her loved ones. If she could say this of her experiences, wow! She started over too and spent her life as a social worker dedicated to helping others in need. this was her own path of spiritual growth. We all need “wake-up calls” in our lives. they come in different packages, sickness, loss, death of loved ones, and many more. they are “gifts” if we can chose to see it this way and grow from them.
So, although it is very painful to see my dear friend suffering, i chose to see it as part of her personal journey. It is very complicated, but in a deeper sense, it is up to her.
These are all words. Everyone interprets them differently. Music is direct to the soul. it is understood more clearly. it goes past the words, and allows one to connect with something bigger than all of us. We are blessed to be able to be carriers of this……..
with love,
shabbat shalom,
Diane
Diane,
How beautifully written. Thank you so much for posting. Do you have a blog? It would be wonderful if you could share these thoughts and your journey with others. When you speak of your mother and her attitude, you give hope and she is a wonderful example. Knowing your voice as I do, I know that you will provide healing to anyone who chooses to receive it.
I’m so happy to hear of your path and I hope that we’ll be able to sing together at some point. If you come to the center for any reason, please contact me.
Joanna