It’s about starting over . com

Are you blogging? Do you say, “hum, what should I write?” before beginning each post? Or are you one of those bloggers who feels that you know exactly what you want to say but as you’re writing, you have to ask yourself if you really want to tell it all, exactly as it is?

There comes a time in blogging where you have to ask yourself, “Exactly how much do I want to reveal here?” For sure, no one wants to put something out there in black and white that will come up later and bite them in their future.

We’re all vulnerable and we all want people to see us in a certain light. We all have secrets, and we all have things that aren’t exactly secrets but that we would just rather not reveal publicly. And we all have fears. When starting over, venturing out into the unknown, the two biggest fears are “what if I fail?” and “what if I succeed?”

The “what if I succeed” fear is something that needs the help of a professional to overcome, that is, if it’s preventing you from trying something you really want to do. Sometimes, it’s just easier to stay in the comfortable place that we’ve already settled into. But the “what if I fail?” question, which I’m guessing is a lot more common, is about losing face, about making a fool of yourself, and for me and others who want to inspire, it’s a much larger issue: If I try and fail, how can I encourage others to try? After all, it hurts big-time to fail, and sometimes you loose things or people in the process. The image of a hung head and a proverbial tucked tail come to mind.

Maybe the saying, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all,” is relevant here. Is it better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all? Better to have ventured and embarrassed oneself than never to have ventured at all? And is it better to have revealed the truth of our fears and losses, or better to remain…safe?

What is blogging about?

Blogging is about telling a story…a story as it evolves in real-time. There is a huge difference between the oh-so-many blogs out there–some barely scratch the surface of a personal life, and others delve way down into the heart of things. This blog is about my story, past, present and future. It’s a reality blog. It’s about my life as it unfolds now, and takes me to wherever I’m going. Before setting it up, I made the decision to be open and revealing and above all, never, ever embarrassed.

In an ideal me-dream, I would accomplish all my goals easily and tell you that it was only a matter of trying and believing in myself. You would think of me as very talented, as one of those amazing people who only had to step into the right environment and everything would fall into place. You would be happy to read my blog and be a part of my progress, but you might say to yourself, “oh, she could do it because she’s talented. We’re not all so lucky…”

Telling the truth

The truth is not such an easy partner. Like a life-time lover, we must listen to her if we are to be loved by her. We must especially listen to her if we want to move forward, but we don’t always like her. In fact, sometimes, I downright hate her.

I’m not very talented. I wasn’t at ballet, and I’m not at music. I’m not particularly smart either–studying is hard for me and, since somewhere around the sixth grade, has always been. The things I was really and easily good at have faded away with time and neglect and aren’t much more than a memory that awakens a certain bitterness in me from time to time.

Oh, you’re asking, where is she going with this?

My beloved ballet teacher and mentor, Mahri Coshever, once explained to me that she would rather have one, less-talented student than ten extremely talented ones. She went on to say that when a person is very talented, things come easily to them and so they usually don’t learn how to work hard or deal with difficult challenges. And, they often only skim the surface of expression, never touching on or revealing depth or nuances. At a certain point, they will reach their highest level of natural ability and will be hard put to rise above it. The amount of talent they are “blessed” with will determine where that limit is fixed.

Is less talented better?

Less talented students, she went on, once they find the thing they love and become devoted to it, are determined, are  more highly motivated and must work harder to achieve even the fist of their goals. Over the years they learn how to work hard, to overcome limitations, and in the process, they surpass even their own expectations. Once they learn to do this, they can apply it to anything they choose to do.

I suppose that, in a way, when Mahri explained this to me, she was speaking to me about me.

Often, when we evaluate a change in our own direction, or want to advise or direct our children as to their future, one of the first questions we might ask is about the ultimate payoff. If we feel that there might not be any, then we often don’t encourage the path or change. I can’t tell you how many times I heard my elders say, “well, what’s she going to do with it?” I guess that translates into, “will she be able to make a living from it.” You might think that a super-talent automatically would, but that’s rarely the case. Talent without motivation and determination usually equals nothing.

No, I’m not one of the really talented ones. My current loves are music and people, and I have every intention of devoting my life to both. Stay tuned as I tell you about how this is going. All of it.

Oh, and I should tell you that I was accepted to Berklee. HUZZAH!

Above: Getting silly with Lynn Lewis at the Ray Scudero Memorial Concert, Tzora Folk Club, January 28th, 2010. Picture by Ariela Orion.

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