May 28 2010
The good, the bad, and the horrendous
I would like to share a really bad experience I recently had with you all. I want to share it with you because these things happen. They come at you from places where you might not expect them and because of that, they can be extraordinarily shocking. They can also be extremely hurtful for anyone, but for someone who comes from a difficult background, or is struggling hard to overcome something, they can be close to devastating. I want people to read about this and to know how important it is to not let anyone knock you down in your efforts. That regardless of things other people might do or say, you have rights, and you must persevere.
At the end of this post, you’ll find a decision I’ve made regarding this incident–it’s something I’ve never done before, and you will also find a piece of wonderful news. Read on…
My time at Rimon
As most of my readers and all of my friends know, I’ve spent the last three-plus years studying at The Rimon School of Jazz and Contemporary Music. I’ve often referred to my experience there as Heaven, and overall, it has been. It’s also been the preparation and springboard that I needed to enter the Berklee College of Music, which I will do this fall. Throughout this time, I have had the steady support of the staff and administration at Rimon and I have learned an immense amount during my time there, both about music and about myself. But it has not been a smooth ride at all. Going back to school at the age of fifty is never an easy thing, and because of this, the support I found at Rimon and among my family and friends has played a major part in my success.
But people who strive to drive forward will always run into individuals who, for some reason, feel the necessity to come down hard on them and make a desperate effort to…I don’t know what, maybe boost themselves or find some relief for their own feelings by hammering you down. I experienced this with one of my last bosses in a technical writing job just before I enrolled in Rimon, and from time to time, I’ve witnessed this type of behavior among a couple of teachers at Rimon. Two days ago, I tasted it personally.
Okay, evidently, I brought in a botched assignment. To say it wasn’t one of my more successful works is an understatement. But the teacher had been prodding the students in the class to bring in homework assignments–many of them just don’t. I do and, until two days ago, this teacher had been pleased with my work. He even went so far to say that one assignment was of such a high level that, with only a bit of minor tweaking, it would be professional–a real “it.” This last assignment was a doozie for me, and I wanted to apply my creativity to a certain challenge that I had a lot of questions about. But I chose to bring it in even though the result was bad so that, at the very least, the teacher would know that I was working. I actually invested over a full week of thought and effort in this assignment, not to mention a lot of erasing!
The attack
Evidently the result rubbed this guy the wrong way. After hearing my work in class, he simply exploded. I wouldn’t say he went into a rage because the signs of rage or anger weren’t there–no red face, no steam escaping from his ears, etc. But he put me down in the harshest of terms stating that it was obvious that I had no grasp of the first-year material (this is the second-year class in this subject) and saying that I basically know nothing. When I repeatedly asked him to explain why, his replies were inaccurate and I showed him within my work exactly why–with one exception, he had no comeback. After a couple of rounds like this, he said that another teacher at Rimon who not only used to be the main teacher of this subject but was considered one of the best, had decided to quite because of students saying to him, “explain to me why it doesn’t work.” Excuse me, but isn’t that what a teacher does? When students get something wrong, aren’t they supposed to teach them how to do it right?
And my biggest question is this: How can a teacher who has given only positive feedback about a student’s work turn on a dime and tell the student, based on one bad assignment, that they know nothing? How is it that my first year teacher in this subject, who is a highly respected teacher and musician, gave me a B in the course if I know, understand and grasp nothing?
The bigger question though is the more important question. Why humiliate a student? What is the purpose? What good does it do? As a teacher (I taught classical ballet for many years) I have always taken the Latin, “Primum non nocere,” “First do no harm” to be my credo. Ideally, this would be the goal of all teachers or, even better, all people. Say, “wow, this really isn’t up to your usual level,” or, “meet me after class and we’ll discuss it.” But humiliation in front of one’s peers? Why?
Perseverance
I persevered with this teacher and did get him to talk with me further. He complained the entire time that I was using up his break time, but I did get him to talk with me in a more rational fashion. He was blatantly honest with me and did have some points about the work, and about what my work showed. I thank him for that because in the long run, it’s the honest opinion that does us most good. People who tell us that we’re wonderful just because they love us and don’t want to hurt us, in the long run, do us harm. But there is never, ever, any good reason to humiliate anyone, especially not in the presence of their peers. Throughout the conversation, the teacher repeatedly implied that he will give me a failing grade. At the time, I was under the impression that this would harm my ability to attend Berklee so I was frightened, to say the least. He explained to me that my only way out of this is to convince him that I understand the first-year material. Wait a minute, isn’t that what I did by acing assignments until now? What does it say about him that he would take such a drastic turnaround like this? Wow, I certainly had a lot to think about.
The decision
All things considered, I’ve decided to file a complaint about this teacher. I have gathered the assignments I turned in to him (luckily I’ve kept every one) throughout this year and they are good. Also luckily, I have a full and clear recording of his humiliating verbosity because, with his full knowledge, I record every class. Sunday, first thing, I will call the dean of Rimon and make an appointment. I’ve decided to do this for several reasons, one being that it’s really a shame that this type of behavior should take place in what is otherwise such an amazing school. Another reason is that I hope to prevent his doing this to other students. I will not wait until I’ve received my grade from him because I don’t want it to look as if I’m complaining because he gave me a bad grade. To my great joy, I’ve discovered that I don’t need his good grade to attend Berklee, that absolutely nothing of consequence is riding on his giving me a good grade so I really have nothing to loose. And as to his ultimatum that I “convince him that I understand the first-year material,” I say poppycock. I will convince myself. Let him give me an “F.” Humiliation of a student in fromt of his or her peers is abuse. No one has the right to abuse another person, most especially a person who is in a position of authority such as a teacher or a boss.
The good news!
Boy, talk about synchronicities! Shortly after all this happened, the rest of my financing for attending Berklee came through! Thanks to the help of a few extraordinary Angels (one special one in particular), my COA is now 100% covered for the first year. And as if this wasn’t enough, just a few minutes after receiving this news, there was a knock on my door–it was a delivery of shipping boxes that I hadn’t arranged for. If that isn’t a message from the Universe, I don’t know what is. 