Placement rating–raised!
I recently did a test at school to raise my placement rating (every applicant is evaluated in several areas and a number rating indicates the level). When I originally auditioned for the school, I was rated at 2-2-2. Not a high rating, but enough to get me in and get me started. But it’s not high enough to continue in the vocal department beyond the official first year, or to take part in many important classes. My performance in this test was good enough to raise my rating to 4-4-4-3, a substantial improvement. This enables me to take a lot of classes that I couldn’t otherwise take, and to take part in an ensemble. After reviewing the list of ensembles, I decided that there is only one I want to be in–it’s called Gospel Jazz. BUT, the rating requirement is 4-4-4-4. Hmmm, what to do? Push for it? Let it go and audition for a different ensemble? I decided to make an appointment with the head of our vocal department (Iris) and discuss it with her. After all, she had been very supportive during my test, and had even written some really nice comments on the results page.
Conversation with Iris
Iris was running late–she was busy with auditions and tests. I waited for over an hour to speak with her–that’s me. Once I decide I’m going to pursue something, there’s no leaving without doing what I came to do. I think I would have stayed there all night if necessary. Thank God it wasn’t 
!
When we finally met, I explained to her that I really want to be in Gospel Jazz, but that my rating is just a bit too low. She spontaneously and immediately reacted by saying, “So go audition for it! If Ofer (the director) feels you’re right and ready for it, he’ll take you.” Wow, I thought, that’s about as simple as it gets! I had anticipated begging, tears, an hour-long conversation–the whole thing was over in less than five minutes. When I said, “wow, that was fast!” and she said, “yeah, but you had to wait over an hour to do it.” I said, “actually, I’ve waited more like twenty years.” that’s how long it’s been since I said, “If I could have the chance to go to a school like that….” We both laughed.
Preparation for the audition
I got the material (four songs, two to learn by ear and two from scores) and, due to my move, didn’t start working on it until about a week before the audition. It didn’t take long for me to realize that the material is very advanced, and yes, way over my head. Gospel yes, jazz, yes. Complicated rhythms that I’ve never seen or tried. I resolutely dissected the rhythms as if I were in my second-year rhythm class and, slowly, it began to sink in. Eventually, I put the words and tune to the rhythm, and then realized that it really was a long shot. Then there was a funny synchronicity: I logged on to my own blog and there was the post about Liza Minnelli! I re-read it and my own blog post gave me inspiration :-).
The music, is it really me?
I really like this music! The words don’t always resonate with me, for example, in Breathe Into Me Oh Lord (Psalms 119:25), the words,
Condemnation tries to hold me, like a prisoner in chains. And the weight of my burdens is calling out my name. That’s when I lift up my voice to worship you…”
are very NOT me. I’m not a foxhole believer, that is, my spirituality isn’t something that I feel deeply when times are hard. I feel it all the time and am grateful and full of love and spirituality all the time. My prayers are constant, as is my spirituality (no, I wasn’t always like this). But I do like the music, and I can feel the underlying intentions.
The decision
So, sitting among the boxes that still take up most of the floor-space in my apartment, I considered my options:
- Quit. don’t audition this year. I can sign up to audition for it next year when I surely will be much better. The only advantage I could see here is that it would free up some time and take some of the pressure off.
- Go through with it even though I might fail. The advantages start with the fact that I might actually get in! If I don’t, then:
- I could get a feel for this particular ensemble and this particular director. There’s a certain relief in making an unknown a familiar. It would make auditioning easier next year.
- I’ll have a better idea of what I need to focus on and develop this year if I really want to get into the ensemble next year.
Liberation!
I decided to go ahead and audition, and to just have fun with it all. Sometimes the knowledge that you don’t really have anything to lose can be very liberating! I released all the pressure of needing to succeed and began to sing from the heart. I recorded myself a few times and was able to find the parts that really needed work–some I was able to fix, some is still a challenge. The day before the audition, I didn’t practice or review the material. I just relaxed and didn’t worry about it–after all, I really had nothing to lose. If I got in, great! If not… I reminded myself that what is meant to be will be, and that there is another very good ensemble that I can take part in this year instead of Gospel Jazz.
Okay, decision made. I put my all into learning the four songs we were told to learn for the audition, two from the scores and two by ear from a recording. I almost can’t believe how much I learned by doing this! I learned to deal with new rhythms, runs and other things I had never tried before. I ID’ed several of my musical shortcomings and now have a list of things I want to work on. The whole process was a real challenge and I enjoyed it! By audition date, I was as ready as I could be, and very relaxed.
Not nervous
Why was I so at ease? You’d think I’d be nervous, right? I tried to understand why I wasn’t tense, worried or nervous–it couldn’t be because I had learned the parts so well that I knew I was a shoe-in because I was still tripping over a lot of them. Maybe the thought that I most likely wasn’t going to be accepted brought on the calm–that’s the most logical conclusion. I reminded myself that I had decided to just go in and have fun, be myself and sing my heart out. After all, I do love the music, and I do love singing…
Audition day
The place was filled with the nicest people, some really good singers and some really great. Everyone seemed willing to talk, and it was really cool being in a room with so many people who are exactly like me….well, except for age. That didn’t seem to mater though (as usual). After a brief explanation by the director, we were asked to wait in the alcove by the door. When the first group of four (soprano, alto, tenor and bass) went in, we all congealed around the closed door, listening intently and softly singing along–beautiful harmony filled the alcove. The young woman standing next to me had the most amazing voice, bronze skin, golden-flax hair.
I went in with the second group but due to a shortage in guys, we were already limited to one soprano and one alto (me). We sang, and both of us screwed it up here and there, but I did have a lot of fun! Ofer dismissed us rather quickly which I think could mean one of two things:
- We were so good that he ID’ed us immediately as being appropriate and he didn’t need to hear anything more, or
- We were so awful that….
Hold on a minute–let me take my tongue out of my cheek.
I’m guessing that I won’t make it in to this ensemble this year, but I do intend to audition for it again next year. Results are yet to come in, but I’m not expecting any surprises. Yet, for some reason, I can’t stop singing the songs or listening to the CD!
So, if not this, then what? There’s an ensemble called “The Eastern Orchestra.” We have a meeting in early October. I’ll be sure to post about it!